Lunch Detention

Lunch detention, Dennis Boots thought as he plodded to the cafeteria, had to count as cruel and unusual punishment. Having to spend his free period mopping up piles of mashed potatoes, smears of ketchup, and picking up pieces of sandwich? Not to mention the unidentifiable stuff that was left there. Cruel with a capital "C," and definitely unusual. Also gross.

Also, what ever happened to the punishment fitting the crime? Sure, he had "smarted off" a few times to Mr. Wiesel...maybe he had "acted out" a little...but really, that was all Mr. Wiesel's fault. The class was so boring that Dennis had to take it upon himself to keep the entire class awake. By making cracks at Wiesel's expense. He should be grateful. Dennis was doing him a favor.

Too bad Wiesel didn't see it that way. Or Mr. Snyder, the high school's resident Way Too Strict Vice Principal, who was inclined to agree with him. This whole thing was just unfair.

Not only that, but they also sent a letter to his mom. Forget cruel and unusual, that was just plain wrong. Although, Dennis mused as he walked up to the cafeteria door, since his mom was going to kill him when she found out, he wouldn't have to sit through Wiesel's class anymore.

His mind was on the joys of escaping Wiesel's class, when he swung open the door to the cafeteria, only to come face to face with a clearly pissed off Snyder. Perfect.

"Mr. Boots," Snyder greeted him with a stern look. "I see you are almost five minutes late."

There was an awkward pause as Dennis figured out that Snyder was fishing for some kind of explanation. Well, damn. It seemed pretty obvious to Dennis that he was late because he'd rather be anywhere else but there and had been walking as slow as he possibly could...but he thought that if he tried to explain it to Snyder like that, he'd end up with more detention.

"Yeah, well, it's a long walk from... my other class to...here. Sir."

Which was kind of true since the cafeteria was at the complete opposite end of the school from Dennis's last class. Snyder seemed to buy it, although reluctantly, and turned to walk toward the janitor's closet. Dennis followed behind him and tried not to audibly drag his feet.

This was going to be the longest hour of his life.

"This is really stupid."

"Would you shut up already? And stop being a bitch; this is the only place that the teacher's don't check anymore. Unless you want to get caught by Snyder or something."

"Yeah, well at least if we got caught somewhere else we wouldn't smell like...Lysol and wet mop."

"You don't like it? Leave."

"Alright, I'm outta here."

"Fine."

"Fine."

"...Fine."

"...You're a dick."

"You love i-mmph."

As they walked to the janitor's closet, which was inconveniently tucked away in the very back of the cafeteria, in a little cove, and far from where the lunch tables were, Snyder took it upon himself to lecture Dennis.

"I know that the actions of certain...unsavory characters at this school might make it seem like committing acts of vandalism is "cool," or "hip." But don't let these characters fool you, young man. They are trying to lead you down a dark road, into crime, and moral decay."

Dennis didn't feel like protesting that he actually hadn't committed any sort of vandalism, but decided against it when Snyder started blathering about how truancy led to grand theft. He was better off keeping his mouth shut and paying attention to the squeaky sounds their shoes were making on the tile floor. He only started listening again when Snyder's walkie-talkie, which he carried at all times, started to go off.

"Mr. Snyder." Wiesel's voice, choppy from static, came through from the walkie-talkie. "We have a 129 on the basketball court. I repeat, a 129 on the-"

"Yes," Snyder answered, whipping out the walkie-talkie. "I heard you Mr. Wiesel. Is it Jack Kelly again?"

"...affirmative."

Snyder's eyes seemed to light up, and Dennis suddenly felt a little worried for Jack. Not that Dennis was friends with Jack, but everyone knew that Jack Kelly was number one on Snyder's Shit List. Snyder immediately began to dash toward the exit, and Dennis was surprised by how quickly he reached the door. He secretly hoped that he'd gotten out of cleaning, only to be disappointed when Snyder turned back toward him and yelled, "the mop is in the janitor's closet! I'll be back!"

With that, Snyder was out the door, and Dennis was left with an entire lunchroom to clean.

****

"Unh...alright, I admit it. This mighta been a good idea. Maybe."

"Figured you'd come around."

"Yeah, yeah. You sure nobody comes in here?"

"Of course, dumbass. So stop worrying already."

*******

Dennis stared after Snyder for a minute, shrugged, then walked to the back of the cafeteria and turned the corner to the janitor's closet. Right next to the janitor's closet there was a door to the outside. Dennis considered his options. On the one hand, if he left, he wouldn't be there any more. On the other hand, if he left, he'd probably get Saturday school, which would lead to him getting killed by his mom, and then getting grounded for the rest of his life.

Decisions, decisions.

He sighed and reached for the door knob. Oh, well. Time to get to work.

As he opened the door, the first thing he noticed was that there were two people messing around in the closet. The next thing he noticed was that there were two guys messing around in the closet. And the last thing he noticed was that the two guys messing around in the closet were Racetrack Higgins and Spot Conlon.

There was a long moment where nobody did anything. Race and Spot stared at Boots. Boots stared at Race and Spot.

It was awkward.

Suddenly, everyone realized exactly what was happening. Race and Spot quickly pushed apart, but because of the cramped closet they slammed into the walls. Cleaning supplies fell from the shelves, mop heads flew through the air.

Boots, reacting purely on instinct, slammed the door. Which happened to be right when Race and Spot were trying to leave.

"Ah, shit!" "My nose!"

Dennis was shocked, and took a step away from the door, as Race and Spot managed to tumble out of the closet. Nothing made sense. Racetrack Higgins. Spot Conlon. In the janitor's closet. Together. Which meant that they were...he noticed that his mouth was hanging open and quickly closed it, as Spot and Race straightened their clothes.

They just stared at each other, confused. Finally, Racetrack decided to break the silence.

"Look-"

"False alarm!"

Their heads whipped around as Snyder's voice rang across the cafeteria. They glanced at each other, and then looked at the janitor's closet...which was a disaster area.

"Oh shit," Dennis whispered. "You guys gotta get out of here!"

Race and Spot dashed out the door, and Race gave a quick look back at Dennis before going around the corner. Dennis was still filled with panicked energy as he tried to clean up as much of the mess as possible. Unfortunately, he couldn't clean up too much in under a minute, and as Snyder turned into the hallway, he was met with the sight of Dennis with his arms full of supplies and a couple mop heads, looking like a deer in headlights.

"Uh..." Dennis said, quickly surveying the mess in the closet. "Mr. Snyder...there's an explanation for this...really."

"And that would be...?"

"I...tripped. And...fell." Damn. That was probably the worst excuse he'd ever used. Ever. But maybe Snyder would-

"Wanton destruction of school property, Mr. Boots?" Snyder shook his head, apparently disappointed, and Dennis felt a sinking feeling in his stomach. He knew what was coming wouldn't be good. "Maybe another week of lunch detention will teach you some restraint."

Dennis groaned. Another whole week of lunch detention?

His mom was going to kill him dead...and then ground him for life.

It seemed like forever, but finally the bell rang and the school day was over. Dennis practically skipped out the door, only to be immediately ambushed by Race and Spot. They stood in front of him, blocking his way to the buses. Race looked a little nervous and Spot just looked...not happy. Dennis didn't know what to expect. There was no way they'd just let him go. He'd seen...something he was pretty sure they didn't want anyone else to know about. Would they beat him up?

He was so nervous that when he finally reached them, he blurted out, "I didn't see anything."

"...What?" Race asked.

"Uh...in the um...in the closet," Dennis clarified, and he found himself looking in every direction that wasn't at Race and Spot. "I didn't see anything. And uh...even if I did see something...which I didn't...I wouldn't tell anyone anyways. It ain't any of my business."

"What'd you tell Snyder?" Spot asked. Dennis had the feeling it was more of a demand than a question.

"Nothing about you two," Dennis said, and both of the other boys relaxed a bit. "I just told him I made the mess."

"What'd he do?"

"Just gave me another week of lunch detention."

"Ouch," Race said.

"Yeah, well..." and Dennis shrugged. He could deal. Besides, it's not like he would have told on them even if Snyder had threatened him with Saturday school, or suspension. Dennis knew how to keep his mouth shut sometimes. Race and Spot seemed satisfied with their interrogation, but there was another awkward pause. Finally, Dennis asked the question that'd been on his mind since he opened the janitor's closet.

"Does anyone else know?"

He didn't need to be more specific, they knew exactly what he was talking about. Spot gave him a hard look.

"Maybe nobody," he said slowly. "So maybe if we hear people start chattering in the hallways...well maybe we know where they heard from."

Boots unconsciously took a step backward. Spot Conlon generally had that effect on people.

"Maybe you should calm down," Race said to Spot. Then he turned to Dennis and asked, "What's your name?"

"Dennis. Boots. Dennis Boots."

"See, if Boots here had told on us, we'd already be in Snyder's office for skipping."

"Yeah, fine," Spot grudgingly agreed, and Dennis finally began to relax. If being on Snyder's Shit List was bad, being on Spot Conlon's was even worse. It was nice to know that Spot didn't think Dennis needed to be beaten to keep quiet. There was another awkward pause, until Spot grumbled, "I'm sick of standing around here."

"Come on," Race said to Dennis. "Spot'll give you a ride home, since I bet you just missed your bus."

"Really?" Dennis asked Spot, who just nodded a little and started walking. "Thanks."

"Well...you know...you too," Spot replied. Race smirked at Dennis, and Dennis smiled after Race turned around. He was definitely relieved. Of all the ways this afternoon could have gone; and his mind flashed through mental images of him beaten up, or stuck at school, or beaten up and stuck at school...he hadn't expected it ending with a ride home from school with Spot Conlon and Racetrack Higgins. Even if he had a week of lunch detentions and getting grounded to look forward to...right then, things weren't so bad.

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