Health Class

It was a lovely day in April when the health teacher developed a nervous tick. She was a nice enough woman with a tendency to stutter whenever she had to discuss anything related to the human body, but otherwise, it wasn't a bad class. But even so, Sean wasn't particularly surprised that the day they started the unit the syllabus had labeled as, "Human Sexuality," the boys were all sent off to the library to have a guest teacher.

There were fourteen boys in the class, who were gathered around a few large tables. Sean kicked his feet up and regarded the guest lecturer. He was standing off to one side with the librarian, Mr. Denton, and they were discussing something quietly. Finally, Denton shook his head and muttered something. Sean couldn't hear clearly, but it sounded a lot like, "Just try and keep them from writing on the tables, okay?"

Sean smirked and glanced out the window. There were a few kids standing outside under a few trees, smoking; one of them was supposed to be in the class itself. Luckily, the guest teacher didn't know that. Unluckily, Denton did. He pushed open the window and leaned out.

"None of you are old enough to buy those," he pointed out. "And there's no smoking on school grounds. Oh, and most of you are supposed to be in classes right now. You should get to that." He paused. "Tony, get in here and I'll pretend you weren't skipping and smoking on school grounds." He shut the window, and the startled group broke up.

Two minutes later, while the group was still sitting around mumbling to one another, Tony trudged in to the class. He glared at Denton, who nodded bemusedly at him. Tony glanced around for a seat, and finally dropped his book bag behind the chair next to Sean and sank into it. He also immediately pulled out a sharpie and began to draw something. Sean leaned forward to glance at it, and saw a penis. He glanced over at Denton, but Denton was staring off into space.

"Uh, hi!" the guest teacher started. "My name is Mr. Smith, and as you've probably guessed, we're going to be meeting here for the next few days of your health class. We'll be discussing sex and reproduction. I was invited in to lead these discussions because the school feels it facilitates comfortable-and mature-learning to separate the genders in this instance."

As he paused for breath, doubtless planning to continue, Tony raised his hand. Mr. Smith looked surprised. "Yes, uh, what's your name?"


"Okay, what's on your mind?"

"I just want to clarify... You've got a whole room of teenage boys together to talk about sex, and you think that we'll be more mature without girls here? Really?"

Mr. Smith smiled. "No, but we think the girls will be more mature without us. Anyway, we're going to be discussing a number of-yes, Tony?" he asked, when Tony raised his hand.

"If I have no interest in ever having sex with anyone who has a uterus, can I be excused? I'm pretty sure I'm not going to be getting anyone knocked up, so..."

"No. As I was saying," Mr. Smith continued, and proceeded to ignore Tony, though his hand was back up, "we're going to be discussing some sensitive topics. Things like sex-and Tony, we'll be covering things other than vaginal intercourse, so stop sulking and stop writing on the desk, please-and protection, STIs, pregnancy, orgasm, and anatomy. And anything else you have questions on." He sighed. "Yes, Tony?"

"I sincerely doubt you're an expert on most of the things I have questions about."

"I sincerely doubt you're creative enough to ask questions about things I don't know about." Mr. Smith smiled. "So let's get started!"

Tony was now scowling at his desk. Sean smirked a little. Tony was well known through school for being a wiseass; few teachers could keep up with him, let alone shut him down. Of course, he was also known because he was one of the few students at school who was openly gay; but unlike the few other kids who were out, no one bothered him about it. Probably because they were afraid of his comebacks.

With all that said, Mr. Smith handed out a syllabus for the week-long course, and as Sean read it, he glanced at Tony. Tony blinked. It looked like the syllabus was considerably more gay-friendly than the school itself. The day labeled, "Sex," had subheaders specifying, "Vaginal, Anal, Oral; Safety."

Tony did a double take, and then looked up at Mr. Smith again, surprised. Mr. Smith was looking back straight at him, and the looks they were giving each other made Sean feel a little uncomfortable. He shifted and mumbled to Tony, "Should a teacher really be having eyesex with a student? That's creepy."

"He's not really a teacher," Tony answered. "He's actually kind of hot."

"You don't even know if he's gay."

"Well, the look he's giving me actually makes me pretty sure."

"He's old."

"He's thirty, tops."

"You're seventeen!"

"You're a prude." Tony glanced over at Sean. "Which is kind of a shame."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Tony snorted. "Never mind."

"And," Mr. Smith said, from the front of the room, "if you'd all shut up, we can get started." He looked expectantly at Tony, who raised an eyebrow and didn't say anything. Mr. Smith nodded and launched into the beginning of the lesson. Sean took notes halfheartedly; it was a lecture with a planned discussion after, and he really didn't care that much. He did look over at Tony, though.

Tony had gone back to drawing on the table. The penis was now mid-orgasm, and Tony had begun to draw someone's rear end in front of it. It was all horribly inappropriate for anywhere, let alone for school. "So are you just a pervert, or what?" Sean finally mumbled.

"I'm healthy," Tony answered. "It's spring. You know, the time when a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of his reproductive organs. And using them."

"I thought that was love."

"Love is old fashioned. Who needs it?"

Sean rolled his eyes.

"Not me," Tony continued. "I don't want love. I'll tell you what I want. I want a skinny guy with nice hair and a nicer ass to meet out there," he gestured at where he'd been smoking, "after school."

Sean blinked. "You want a classmate? Not Mr. Smith?"

"Mr. Smith is old," Tony said patiently. "I can be into him, but if he were into me, that would be illegal and way wrong."

"You are so weird," Sean said.

"And you are so closeted."


Tony shrugged unapologetically. "You don't have to lie to me about it, I want to sleep with you, not out you."

"I'm..." Sean trailed off, and shook his head. "You're so weird."

"Weird... and hot?"

"No, just weird."

Tony snorted and went back to his drawing. Sean folded his arms, put his head down, and listened to Mr. Smith's lecture.

"...The truth is, of course, that as teenagers, most of you are probably a little confused. You've got new feelings and urges. Some of you are probably more comfortable with them than others." Sean didn't look up, but was pretty sure Mr. Smith was giving Tony that look again. "But people who aren't comfortable with them, that's okay. Maybe take things slow. You don't need to rush off and have sex. You've got your whole lives in front of you, practically. Why rush?"

"Because I'm horny," Tony mumbled.

"Shut up," Sean mumbled back, mostly into his arm.

"Here's another truth that most sex ed teachers don't tell you, and a very good reason not to run out and become sexually active. You might be ready. You might want nothing more than to start having sex. But your partner might not be ready. And if you pressure a partner into having sex, I can promise you'll be watching your relationship die slowly. People who aren't comfortable or feel pressured won't want to stay with you; they'll probably find you really creepy, controlling, and generally to be a bad person. If you don't want to drive them away, don't pressure."

Tony snorted. Sean sat up. "Everyone's not like you, you know," he muttered at Tony.

"What the hell does that mean?"

"That just because you're obsessed with sex doesn't mean everyone else has to be!"

"Not everyone else, just anyone I want to sleep with."

"Ahem." They looked up to see Mr. Smith staring at them.

Tony raised an eyebrow.

"If you two were finished with your conversation?"

"We aren't even close. Do you mind?"

"I do, a little. Why don't you two boys meet back here later and continue this conversation after school in detention?"

"You're not supposed to talk in detention," Tony said smugly. "So it'll have to be now."

"You're hilarious, Tony, did you know that? Shut up and pretend to pay attention." Mr. Smith nodded and went on with his lesson. Sean glowered at Tony, before putting his head down again. Detention. Great. *

Detention was, indeed, in the library that afternoon; Mr. Smith was gone, but Denton was there. He separated most people, but Sean and Tony were still next to each other, two seats away from one another. Sean shot Tony a glare and pulled out his math notebook. At least he'd be able to get some work done.

Or that was what he'd planned. But moments later, he felt a pen poking his ribs. He glanced up, and Tony handed him a folded piece of paper. Sean unfolded it suspiciously and read, "You're hot when you scowl, wanna have sex?"

When Sean glanced at Tony, he was smirking. So Sean scribbled back, "No, leave me alone."

Tony read it, wrote, and passed it back. "Fine, you're not ready. How about a blowjob in the bathroom?"

Sean added in his scrawled handwriting, "How about you go to hell?"

He watched Tony read that. Tony pouted, then scowled, then paused to consider. Finally, he scrawled a longer message.

"You don't really mean that, do you? I swear, I'm sensitive underneath. Really emotional. Come on, you know that turns you on. I'll write you poems, I swear."

Sean snorted, and Denton glared at him. He covered the note with his math book, and when Denton finally looked away, grabbed a fresh sheet of paper and began to write quickly. "Do I look like I want poems?!"

Tony paused even longer this time, then wrote. Sean rolled his eyes when he saw it, and realized it was a haiku. "You are super hot / I'm all emo underneath / let's go out sometime".

Sean started to write an angry message, then paused. Tony had written a haiku. Which was ridiculous, but it also was kind of amusing. And it seemed like he was backing off a little. So Sean just circled the last line and wrote a big question mark next to it.

Tony blinked, then shrugged. He looked up at Denton, then back at the paper, and wrote, "Figures you'd want a date first. Prude."

Irritated, Sean answered, "Somewhere expensive, you're paying. No sex. Still want to?"

Tony actually had to consider that, which made Sean annoyed, but eventually he wrote, "You're hot enough to wait for. I guess."

Sean wrote, "You sweet talker, you."

Tony answered, "Just don't expect anymore poems for awhile, 'k?"

Sean: "Fair enough."

Tony: "So, Saturday?"

Sean hesitated, then scribbled his number on the paper. And this time, Tony's face actually lit up a little when he got the message. Tony looked over at him, and then down at the paper, wrote a final message, and passed it across.

"Mr. Smith rules!"

It even had a smiley face.

Sean looked over at Tony, and smiled a little himself.